What we do to our loved ones

It happened one day, that a colleague of Degen, Red Leader, became bored.
He therefore tried to entertain himself, before he had to leave home.

What to do what to do...

Red Leader soon formed a plan. He stole/borrowed his girlfriends portable communication device, and used the picture-capturing-internal device to take a picture of himself.

...

Well, he took a picture of himself, sort of below the belt. Mentioned should be that he was in a sort of arroused state.
Red Leader proceeded to make this picture the default one on said portable communication device. Red Leaders girldfriend did not notice this, but left their home for work.
Not to long later, Red Leader receives a quite upset message from his girlfriend.

Girlfriend had been asked what time it was from an elderly lady, and without thinking to much showed the portable communication device to the old one, at wich point the lady had reacted quite strongly so to speak.

Red Leader was wery happy

Are you stupid, drunk or just a bit slow?

As Degen is a great magician (see Women dont were shoelaces anymore), he is often asked to entertain his friends and guests, by showing them how he alters reality.
This sometimes leads to frustration and anger, but most of the time to frustration and joy.
For instance, Degen once met his friends Mr Hat in a doorwar, were he gave Degen a glass of clear liquid, and said:

"Here, drink this"

Degen, who allways tries to see the best in people, shrugged his shoulders and drank the liquid. Upon the question what it contained, Mr Hat responded.

"Dont know, I said give me something that will make Degen a worse magician to the bartender"

Unfortunately for Mr Hat, Degen have completely mastered the art of MUI, Magic Under the Influence.

Anyway, back to the story.
As Ms Cucumber (see Disliked? Me?) once held a party, Degen was asked to entertain the simple friends of Ms Cucumember who had not seen the wonders that he could do.
Off he went, and started a series of miracles, that together are called "Revolver".

As the miracles came and went, Degen started to get a bit disturbed by the fact that noone appeared to react to the wonders that happened in Degens hands.
Degens started to suspect that he was outed, that the crowd all knew his ways of manipulating the world.

"This is not good"

he thought

"but I have to finish what I have started"

Degen continued down the road, that he was certain led to failure, and nomatter what he did , the audience did not react. Degen felt terrible as he neared the end of the planned wonders.
He sighed and finnished the last wonder...

"A witch, he´s a witch"

could be heard from one man, people choked their food, spilled their drinks and ran of screaming into the night, never to be seen again (at least not for 5 minutes).
Degen was swarmed by the audience who all demanded to know how it was done.

Chocked he stood silent for a moment, before uttering a spell and dissapeared, leaving them with their questions and disbeliefs.

I can do karate me

Degens good friend Mr Bisquit (see "Straw thief!!") is pretty skilled in the martial arts, or to be more exact karate.

In the beginning of Mr Bisquits karate career, he was, as everyone is, eager to show his friends what he had learned. Unfortunately for Mr Bisquit, neither Degen nor Mr AsianImport were to eager to follow his rules of fighting. Simply put, Degen and Mr AsianImport would simply tackle Mr Bisquit, and the exercise would be over.

Since then, Mr Bisquit had evolved in the art, and the last time Degen tried to tackle Mr Bisquit, Degen soon found the floor the hard way.


Now Degen have to study karate... Were should he find time for that??!??

Please, controll yourself

Ed note: This will be rewritten, as it does not fully capture how drunk the two were, and how lousy the idea was.

Thx to Reiseführer for reminding me

Degen is, as all know, an amazing expert at just about everything, and of course, he have read and seen most books and fast-changing-pictures.
He one day spoke to a brother in arms, Reiseführer, about an older series of fast-changing-pictures. Reiseführer had not seen this, but was able to obtain it fairly quick.
Degen therefore travelled towards his friends house, to view the pictures with him, and consume an ale or two.
This was an ordinary day in the middle of the week, so the plans were made short. Halfway into the series, our two heroes, decided to enhance their state of mind, by the means of juice of orange and pure alcohol, a beverage known as "Tool for handling screws".

Al of a sudden, they noticed that the sun had set, the night was almost over, and neither of them was able to spell complicated words or walk i a straight line.

It was truly a wonderfull morning that followed

And the Lord spoke, saying...

'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'(Amens)

what have I done...

Not to long ago, Degen attended a fiest, where he wore a handsome white toga.
As the party progressed, the toga started to fall apart. Mr Ed, who put the toga together evidently did not do a very good job.
Degen progressed to loose more and more of his toga, until he wore a skirt, held up by his belt. Nevertheless, Degen continued the party.

The next day, Degen and Ms Ping was conversating said party, and the skirt was commented.
Degen, being of Scottish ancestry said:

"Well, I should be used to it, the kilt is a skirt to you know"

Ms Ping then asked:

"Well, were is you kilt?"

"Kilts are expensive, I dont have one"

Degen then, being the gentle fellow that he is, jokingly said:

"I can substitute a catholic-schoolgirl skirt instead"

It is at this time that Ms Ping issues the challenge, that Degen should were a skirt like that to an upcoming party of her choice.
Without thinking to much, since he was distracted by beating down the dragon attacking Ms Ping from behind (really, I promise), Degen agreed.

Degen is a bit nervous...

*grumpy*

Today, Degens colleague Mr Volcom is grumpy, he did not get any pancakes

Ineffiecient? No we´re from India

Degen once received a cry for help from a man in his land.
The man could not log on to the great (not) system Codire. Degen tried, but was not able to help him, and had to send away for "expert" help.
Since Degen is skilled in the art of helping people, he knew what information the so called "experts" needed, and what should be tried before sendind the case off.

- Use the ordinary network password.
- User ID in lowercase, without domain name.
- Password must not contain any other characters than A-Z, a-z and 0-9, letters in English.
- Only one domain account can be activated for the user.
- What happends if trying to log on from another server

Degen checked all of these, and then sent a message to the "experts", where he proclaimed:

- User is using the ordinary network password
- User ID is in lowercase, without domain name
- Passwords does not contain any other characters than A-Z, a-z, and 0-9 letters in English
- User only have one domain account
- When trying to log on from other server, the same error appears

This, along with the errormessage and contact information for the user was sent away, and all was good in the land.

No

The next day, the following message appeared


六月 29, 2006 13:06:21 CTT Uol Iewad
Hi,
When user trys to login, his user ID must be in lowercase, without domain name.Regarding this case, user should not include the domain name "eemea", just use his user id to login.BTW,what is this user's user id?
Thanks

At first, Degen was puzzled, then he became angry.
The "expert" was obviously just stalling.
Together with the Bald Leader, Degen formed the following response:

Dear Uol Iewad,
If you find the information above not to your understanding then please contact a colleague and have him/her assist you in the interpretation.
The text above has the information that you need.
The caller is the person with the problem, and she have tried the logon with and without the domain.
Furthermore,in the future please process the information added to the ticket to avoid unnecessary ticket bouncing. The information you required was there from the beginning.
Now, please sort this out or explain why the customer cant recieve the assistance required.


There was no response from Uol Iewad

Women dont have shoelaces anymore!

Thx to Ms Ping for reminding me...

And it came to the time, that Degen and a few other worthy people were going out in the land, to visit other people, like-minded to themself.
A cold day they left their Idyllic home, to travel south in the land.
And they brought with them large quantities of ale.

When they arrived they were given room by their hosts, and continued to drink their ale.
The fiest that night was long and prosperous. Some of Degens friends even found like-minded people of the other gender.
Degen on the other hand decided to save his strength, he calmly fell asleep in the blue sea.

The next day, our heroes went to pay tribute to their hosts.
The fiest was magnificant, and ales and wines were consumed in large quantities. Being the skilled magician that Degen is, he decided to entertain the crowd, for the small fee of a glas of rum. Alas, since Degen was to powerfull a magician, he quickly consumed yet another large quantity of mind altering fermented vegetable juice.
In his intoxicated state, Degen decided to try his luck with the ladies. And out he went, complementing every woman that would listen about the straps securing their shoes to their feet. Degen had used this method once before, and was certain it would work again.
But shocking as it seems, the ladies of Degens interest did not respond as he thought.
When the night was nearing its end, Degen had tried his luck 23 times with 21 girls, all of them had given him no luck at all (according to one of Degens friends, he did get an interesting answer once, but was to worked up to realize so).

At the end of the evening, Degen made the choice to sleep away from his friends, so as not to worry them about his powerfull look that night.

The legend of "Nice shoelaces, wanna make out?" is still told in the land of Degen

My mouth is to small!

Short story

One of Degens many platonical(sigh) female friends, Ms Iddeh, with whom Degens travelled to the puny frenchlike country in the south, had a very speciall problem when traveling to said country.

Each morning, breakfast was served, wich consisted of tea/coffe, a piece of bread and some cheese.
Ms Iddeh was not designed for this, since her mouth was so small, she could not eat the quite large and hard piece of bread that was served.
After one week she had chafes in the corners of her mouth.

Anguish, thy name is alcohol

On a few rare occasions, Degen might drink some alcohol.
Only a little, to keep him warm and to keep the brain from freezing.

A morning after one of those extremely controlled occasions, Degen woke in his bed, only to find himself a bit thirsty.

"Hmm,"

he thougth

"perhaps I should have a drink of water..."

With tremendous speed and flexibility, he jumped from the bed onto the floor on wich the bed rested.
But this was no ordinary day. During the night, Degens right leg had been parlyzed somehow, possibly by an evil spell cast upon him.

Or possibly by him sleeping in an odd position had stopped the blood from flowing through said leg.

Degen fougth hard to control his balance but the dead leg simply would not support his handsomefigure. To the floor he fell, and also slightly to the left, and forward.
The massive bookcase that stood there seemed like a good fixture to support Degen, but alas he was misstaken.
The case tumbled over our hero, who now lays on the floor, with one dead leg, blisstering headache (only from being hit by books) and heavy furniture atop of him.

Degen had knew better days

-----------------------
Of course, this does not exist

Disliked? Me?

One of Degens manymanymany friends, Mr AsianImport, once had a girlfriend, Ms Cucumber.
But after a while, Mr AsianImport decided to end the relationship, something that Ms Cucumber was not to happy about.
To Ms Cucumbers further dislike, Mr AsianImport was just 3 days later involved with another girl. This created a somewhat hostile environment between Mr AsianImport, Ms Cucumber and her friends.

About a week later, yet another friend of both Degen, Ms Cucumber and Mr AsianImport, hosted a party to celebrate that she was one year closer to death.
All before mentioned parties, as well as the friends of Ms Cucumber (but not Mr AsianImports new girlfriend) attended the party.

Mr AsianImport was instantly labeled as a bad person, since Ms Cucumbers friends had been badmouthing him for a few days to all that would listen.
And since Degen is a friend of Mr AsianImport, he was to disliked.
Therefore, noone would speak to neither Degen nor Mr AsianImport. They were both upset about this a moment, until they formed a plan.
The party was based around the yearly "Who is the best singer" contest, that were transmitted to the land. All of the partymembers were greatly interested, except for Degen and Mr AsianImprort.
They therefore proceeded to root very loudly for the worst participant in the ridicoulus contest.
Many angry looks were delt to our two heroes, who quickly went from being disliked, to the AntiChrist.
After the contest had ended, they proceeded to ruin the party for everyone else, by talking to loud, playing music noone else liked and generally just disturbing the peace.

Of course, this did not help the case, they were still disliked, but now it was intentional.
Revenge was sweet

Straw-thief!!!

Action:

A friend to Degen, Mr Bisquit, is visiting the local inn, to purchase some much needed fatty food.
On his way out, he stops by the straw dispenser to supply himself. He grabs a couple of straws (strange, since he only needs one), when suddenly, a woman of the trade (not) confronts Mr Bisquit, with the accusation:

"Are you some kind of straw-thief?"

Mr Bisquit, who is quite taken, since a woman is talking to him (and a bit set off by the accusation), studders for a second, before replying:

"YES!"

and runs out of the establishment.
The story brought much joy to the friends of Degen (except for Mr Bisquit)

Degen is suspicious

Degen noticed one day, that the Bald Leader might be up to something.
He sat there behind the palmtree allways looking at the back of Degens head, plotting his evil plan to destroy our hero somehow.
More to follow as the story unvails itself you think?

No

Actually, Bald Leader was becoming more and more skilled sinde the day Degen thaught him about the ways of the land. Even though they did sometimes disagre on what was funny and what was not, they could always play their favourite game.
Involve themself in someone elses conversation, and slowly slowly (not so slow actually) phase the originator of the conversation out.

The annoyance of Degen

Of course, when Degen finally is able to get rid of the annoying customer, another one is lurking around the corner.
Why wont they work instead of calling IT support all the time?


---------
Of course, no customers described here exists

The stupidity of man (or rather a man)

Yet again the people could be heard jodling "Horray!"
For the leaders of the land had decided to force all of the people (including Degen) to work overtime.
But sadly, Degen was already busy creating the next masterpiece, for the newcomers to his land, and he could not join them

"Degen is a stupid man" or "Guitars can be expensive"

Well well

We have all been there right? Ordering something from the internet, using your creditcard, sneezing, dropping the card into the guitar in your lap.
Well Degen did anyway.
One hour later Degen was able to get the card out, by swearing and cursing mainly

(Think Queen) BICYCLE BICYCLE

A tale of learning lessons, eating fish and drinking ale

And it came to the end of the first day.
Degen rode his unicycle down the road, when he suddenly came upon the legendary "Phone".
And thus the phone rang.
And wilst the phone rang, Degen received message from far abroad, that the creators of Degen was celebrating.
And off he rushed, his feet moving so fast the small dogs could not keep up.
To the creators he rode, where he ate som fish and said:
Let there be many more years and moments like this

Upon returning, Degen also learned the lesson about riding his unicycle to fast and to far, because he suffered greatly from aking legs, and scrubs in the crotch.

Thus ended the first "Day of Degensnonexistingblog"

Of course, none of this exists

Hockeygames started (cant have just one post on a blog)

At last!
The official HIIT ((american company starting with an H) Internal Icehockeygames Tournament) started today.
Ofcourse, Degen had been practising for a full hour before this grand event.
The first game was sadly enough lost to the Bald Leader, with the cruel numbers of 3-8

Why, o why did the goalie loose his club?

Degensnonexistingblog created!!

Horray! Hassa!!
The people can be heard jodling from miles away.

Degensnonexistingblog have seen the light of day! What if... oh WHAT IF the great Red Leader had not pushed the mighty Degen to unvail this masterpiece.
This day will forever be celebrated as the day when Degen fougth free from the dark sides of non-bloging.

The blog is up... Now all Degen needs is something interesting to write about... and a girlfriend


(Of course, nothing that you read here exists)