Taxes are high, but still...

Short joke, just because I feel like it


"Hi, we are from the IRS. We are here to inform you that you are the winner in our 50 million$ lottery!

"What? I won 50 million $????"

"Well, not really, theres some taxes on it."

"Ok, sure, how much do I get?"

"We are here to collect your couch."

Chemistry? Optics? wtf?

One day, Degen noticed a rather peculiar phenomena.
As he stood by the coffeemachine at work, he watched the lifegiving black liquid pour into his cup and the white milk being added. The drink now held the beautiful brown/tan color that he was used to.
Degen returned to his workstation, sat down and took a sip of the coffee, and then looked down into the cup.

The coffee had changed color to something greyish, and did not look nice at all.
This intrigued Degen, and he began to study the effect day after day.

Well... wtf is going on? Is there some molecular change that happends on the way over, perhaps by passing the smelly guy in the CA department?
Or is it perhaps the lighting that is different in the two settings?
Could it be that someone spikes Degens coffee everyday?

Unfortunately, we might never know...

The world unites against the Germans

Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that a Pan Am 747 listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,...... and I didn't land."

Follow through

One day, Degen sat at home and started to get a bit hungry.
He checked the cupboards, but found nothing that would suit him. He therefore went on a journey to the nearest store who would sell him a piece of bread, covered in melted cheese, crushed tomatoes and some dead animals.
On the way, he passed the local store that distributes jester equipment.

So...

Degen went out to get a pizza, came home with tre jugglers kones, and no pizza.

Tomato, potatoe

Well dear Exchange "expert" support specialist. Even though the words are similar, there is alot of difference between a snapshot and a screenshot.

A snapshot is a backup of data on a network server.
A screenshot is a captured image from a computerscreen.

Therefore, when you say "Check the mailbox snapshot", when you are reffering to th attached screenshot, people may get confused. What do people do when they are confused? They ask for some clarification from the "experts".
To insult people who are trying to do their job, since you cant do yours properly (probably because of your sub-standard knowledge of english) is probably not a good idea.

Please choose one or more:

1. Learn how to speak english and learn the terms of your trade
2. Do your job instead of complaning about others (IF you do you job you are entitled to complain)

Else, kill yourself and make room for a competent worker

Uncomfortable silence...

Degen had invited som friends over to set fire to some dead animals and consume some fermented vegetable drinks.
All was fine and the conversation was flowing, when suddenly, everything went silent for a second, as can happend from time to time.
At that exact time, Degens friend Ms Dwarf, can be heard talking into her cellphone:

"Well, how filthy will this be, and how many are there who will be doing this with me?"

The laughs could be heard miles away

Update:

Regarding national soccer teams, the following is the new update.

Portugal, is now the new Italy, Italy is the new England, England is the new Germany, Germany is Old Zealand, New Sweden and a small piece of Poland.
Sweden is now old Sweden.

Thank you

As this was written...

...there is 162 days, 12 hours and 27 minutes, until Degen is allowed to drive his car again.

Ihatemylifeihatemylifeihate....

Degen has been offered a lead in one of the lands best plays, but had to say no.
*nasty words, and lots of them*

Degen is wery depressed

*KABOOM*

At an early stage in Degens computer-knowledge-development, Degen was experimenting with an old computer, he had left over.

Degen ooh:ed and aah:ed over the technical wonder, and began testing "What-happends-if..." things.
After playing around for a while, Degen put the computer back together, plugged it in and switched the circuitbreaker.

A blue lightning crossed the room, and together with a loud bang, every fuse in the house went. The computer smelled funny, and was never started again.

How many...

...employees of the worlds largest communication company does it takte to make a phonecall?

Answer: 3

Degen: "Greetings"

Employee 1: "Hi, one of my colleagues wants to talk to you"

Degen: "ok..."

Employee 2: "I wish to... (problem description)"

Degen: "Ok, whats your username?"

Employee 2: "uhm... Wait a second."

Employee 3: "Hi,my userid is xxxxxx, and my phonenumber is xx-xxxxxx"

Degen: "Right, then il´ll just..."

Employee 2: "Hi its NN again, we needs this done to"


...

Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck....

Earlier this year, Degen was rehersing a play that was to impress the world so its was flattened out!
During one of the rehersals, Degen and his co-actors was doing some improv. Degen was told to be David Hasselhoff, patrolling the beach looking for people to resque.
Degens friend Mr Weddingdress, was playing the bimb... lady in distress.

David Hasselhoff quickly swam out in the ocean, and dragged the lady back.
He pulled her up on the beach, but noticed that she was not breating, so naturally, he started mouth-to-mouth resque. Since Degen was in character, he did was David would have done, he actually gave Mr Weddingdress mouth-to-mouth, to the laughter and cheers from the audience, all while holding down the now struggling Mr Weddingdress.

Mr Weddingdress was not to happy.

A few days later, a fiest was held, upon wich Mr Weddingdress drank alot of ale, and even more wine. He became intoxicated, and decided to take out revenge against Degen.
Slowly he crept up behind our hero, grabbed his cheek and gave him violent mouth-to-mouth. Degen was offcourse startled, but took his revenge later that evening, by doing the exact same thing.

Ever since that night, both Degen and Mr Weddingdress keeps one eye open when sleeping, and are allways looking over their shoulders on partys.

Why me??

Degens once sat at work when suddenly... THE PHONE RANG!
After greeting the customer in the usual way, Degen became silent and listened.

Indian customer: "Actually, I was wondering. Is it ok to remove the battery from my laptop, while the laptop is running?"

Strange, Degen thought, why would he want to do that?

"No, I think that would be a bad idea"

he said.

Indian customer: "Okay, because I did, and now I wonder, can I put it back in again, or should I shut down the computer first?"

Degen spoke:

"No, I strongly suggest that you shut down the computer before trying to insert the battery"

Indian customer: "Ok, thank you" *click*


Why do we even bother?